Air National Guard - Fitness Test

Why Did We Change the Fitness Standard? Because the Guard Is Just… Different

Ah, the things we do for a paycheck, a pension, and the privilege of wearing reflective belts in broad daylight.

In the early days of the Air National Guard, fitness tests were more folklore than fact. We’d hear rumors that Active Duty folks had to do push-ups and timed runs, but for us? Fitness was more of a seasonal suggestion. Did the Guard have a test? Technically, yes. Spiritually, absolutely not.

Once a year, we’d gather for what was lovingly called a “fun run”—which was really just a loosely organized shuffle around a parking lot. Some ran. Most walked. A few just stood near the finish line and clapped. Then came the real endurance challenge: surviving the BBQ line without getting elbowed by a hungry Master Sergeant wielding a plate of ribs and zero structural awareness.

The Evolution of Guard Fitness: From BBQ to Blood Pressure

But as life changed, so did the Guard. Suddenly, someone upstairs decided we should care about heart health. Enter: the waist measurement and the “stress test.” And by stress test, I mean two minutes on a stationary bike or stepper. That was it. Two minutes. I’ve had longer conversations with vending machines.

Fast forward three years and BAM! The real Air Force decided our chill little fitness fiesta wasn’t cutting it. They demanded stricter standards. Push-ups. Sit-ups. A mile and a half run. And yes—waist measurements. Because nothing says “combat-ready” like measuring your midsection with a tape measure and a side of shame.

If your waist was over 38 inches, you lost points. This program was clearly designed for people who could run like gazelles and had the waistline of a dehydrated mannequin. Spoiler alert: we had a lot of people fail in those early years.

The Great Fitness Test Shenanigans

What followed was a golden age of Guard ingenuity. The antics, the hacks, the sheer desperation— it was less “Survivor” and more “The Hunger Games: Fitness Test Edition.” Here are just a few of the legendary tactics I witnessed, heard about, or (allegedly) tried myself:

• The Waist Escapee = Preparation-H slathered across the belly, wrapped in Saran Wrap like a sad burrito. The goal? Shrink your waist overnight. The result? Smelling like a pharmacy and sweating through your uniform.

• The Caffeine Overload = A cocktail of energy drinks, pre-workout, and sheer panic. You’d be vibrating in place, sweating through your socks, and praying you didn’t poop mid-run. Timing was everything.

• The Inhaler Hustle = One person had an albuterol inhaler. Suddenly, they were the most popular person in the unit. A puff before the run to “open up the lungs.” Totally not FDA-approved group behavior.

• The OTC Drug Smashers = Some folks crushed up ibuprofen and Tylenol like they were prepping for a rave. Others just took way too much and hoped for the best. Either way, we were all walking chemistry experiments.

• The Yo-Yo Dieters = Every year, the same people would drop 20–30 pounds just to pass the test. Over a 20-year career, that’s 400 pounds lost—and gained—and lost again. Their metabolism deserves a Purple Heart.

• The Dehydrators = No water for days before the test to shed water weight. On test day, they’d be dry-mouthed, cramping, and hallucinating about Gatorade. One guy tried to lick a rain puddle mid-run.

The Test Wasn’t the Hard Part…

Honestly, the test itself wasn’t that bad. It was the stress of not passing that turned grown adults into sweaty, caffeinated, Saran-Wrapped bundles of nerves. And sure, other branches have tougher standards. But as I always say:

“We all saw the same recruiter.”

‘Put off doing something great this week and rest.’