The Everlasting Costco Pizza

The Everlasting Costco Pizza

A TDY Tale of Greasy Glory, British Banter, and Doorknob Diplomacy

Ever seen Willy Wonka? You know that magical little candy—the Everlasting Gobstopper? Well, friends, let me introduce you to its savory, slightly greasy cousin: the Everlasting Costco Pizza. It’s not magical, and it’s certainly not FDA-approved. But it will survive a transatlantic flight, a British winter, and the questionable judgment of hungry airmen.

The Flight of the Pizza

We were headed to the Dirty Deid. Again. Because nothing says “military adventure” like sand, sweat, and a vague sense of déjà vu. Our route took us over the ocean with a pit stop in England to refuel and pretend we were civilized for one night.

Just so we’re clear, this wasn’t some cushy commercial flight with warm towels and pretzels. This was a military airlift: bring your own snacks, bring your own sanity, and double up on both. Some crews packed breakfast burritos. Others brought frozen pizzas to warm up mid-flight. But one pilot—absolute legend—rolled in with a full-size Costco pepperoni pizza and declared, “Help yourselves.” That was around 1530. In winter. In the sky.

Naturally, I snagged a slice. I’m a Costco pizza loyalist. That greasy triangle of joy has seen me through more TDYs than my issued boots.

Ten hours later, we landed in England. The pizza? Still there. Still unrefrigerated. Still somehow edible. The pilot glanced at it, shrugged, and said, “Eh, it’ll be fine until morning.” And you know what? It was. I swear that pieces were magically replaced. We both ate it again the next day, as if it were a fresh delivery. That pizza had the shelf life of a Twinkie and the resilience of a Staff Sergeant avoiding paperwork.

Enter: The Wild British Driver

While in England, we got a ride from a local driver who looked like he moonlighted as a stand-up comic in a pub that only served Guinness and regret. His jokes? Filthy. His timing? Impeccable. The few straight-laced folks in our group looked like the punchlines were personally attacking them. Meanwhile, the maintainers and I were in tears—laughing, not crying. Mostly.

The Bobby Knobby & The Be Quiet Dork

Now, let’s talk about the real cultural contributions of this deployment. First up: the Bobby Knobby. One of our guys took a photo of our rowdiest airman—wild-eyed, probably mid-rant—and turned it into a custom doorknob hanger. You know, like the hotel ones that say “Do Not Disturb.” Only this one meant: “Either I’m alone and (busy), or I’ve got company and (busy). Proceed with caution.”

It was completely made up. Totally inappropriate. And absolutely hilarious.

The creator of the Knobby Doorknob lived in a different trailer than me, so I’d swing by on my day off for some laughs and low-stakes chaos. One day, an angry neighbor came by and, in a very impolite tone, asked us to “please be quiet.” Naturally, we responded like mature professionals: we doorbell-ditched him four times that week and made it a point to slam the exterior door every time we entered or exited. Because nothing says “Guard culture” like passive-aggressive acoustics.

So what did we learn from this TDY?

• Costco pizza might be immortal.

• British drivers have no filter and no chill.

• Doorknob hangers are an underrated form of communication.

• And if you ask a group of maintainers to be quiet, you'd better be ready for the long game.

Stay tuned for more tales of TDY madness, military mischief, and the kind of stories that HR probably shouldn’t read. Subscribe below—because the next slice of chaos is always just one deployment away.

Wonla Everlasting Gobstopper (12 ct, 5 oz) Colorful, crunchy, and packed with flavor layers, these jawbreaker-style candies deliver a sweet burst with every lick. Perfect for movie nights, road trips, or anytime you want a long-lasting treat that keeps your taste buds guessing.

Ninja Artisan Outdoor Pizza Oven (MO201)

Fire up restaurant-quality pies in just 3 minutes with this electric outdoor oven. It hits 700°F for crispy Neapolitan, New York, Chicago, or custom creations—up to 12 inches wide. Bake, broil, proof, or warm with precision. Sleek, powerful, and built for backyard pizza glory.